


Snake Charming 101

by whiskeyfeelings



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: AU, Dating, F/F, Fluff and Humor, Humor, Romance, when a snake teaches you to flirt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-08
Updated: 2016-12-08
Packaged: 2018-09-07 06:55:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8788027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whiskeyfeelings/pseuds/whiskeyfeelings
Summary: When Emma decides to help out Regina with her pet-sitting duties and takes on watching the Evil Queen-turned-snake, she gets a lot more than she bargained for. I mean, a snake is the last place you should probably look for dating advice. But since when did Emma Swan bother with being conventional?





	

**Author's Note:**

> I saw this idea popping up on tumblr and twitter and just in general and I liked the idea of, ok well, what the hell are we gonna do with this snake you guys? To be honest I have not watched the show with any regularity since the Frozen debacle but I tuned into the finale on Sunday because...duh. And there's no better way to procrastinate your finals than to decide to try and write a fic about a snake right? I'm just ignoring the entire shitshow that is Rumbelle and their son?, and I have no idea what this vision stuff is so uhhh. We're just gonna pretend Emma and Regina got back to Storybrooke and everything is normal and all the other dumb whackos are off somewhere else being dumb. Way over there. Away from this story. Which, yes, is pretty much total crack but it's not like we have much else going on until this stupid show comes back on (and I will probably ignore it again). Anyways, hope you enjoy.

It was no secret to anyone that Regina Mills was probably the most stubborn woman in all of Storybrooke. Well, next to Emma Swan. Snow White came in at a pretty strong third place, but Regina could probably fight Emma for the winning title. If she was still the sort of woman who fought with Emma these days. Luckily for them both, she wasn't, and after returning from her bizarre trip to Emma's wish, Regina was somewhat avoiding the sheriff. Maybe avoiding wasn't the word. She just...she had a lot to catch up on at the office, and somehow her evil counterpart had gotten herself turned into a snake, so she had that to take care of, and it's just that...Emma was a lot right now. She'd certainly been trying to get Regina's attention, though why she was unsure. Not that she'd given the woman much of a chance to explain herself. Ignoring her calls and making sure she poofed from home to office, she gave Emma no chance of communicating. Regina could just tell it would be some sort of emotional...thing. An apology or a thank you or...something. Something with feelings and Regina could barely keep a handle on her own these days without the cold and calculating side of her to keep it all in check.

The last thing Regina wanted was for Emma to know how much her wish had shaken her up. It shouldn't have, she wasn't the one trapped in a life she definitely wasn't supposed to have. But something about Emma growing up with her parents, in the Enchanted Forest, happy and a mother and a daughter and a princess...it shook Regina. How wrong it was. How right it was. How Emma wanted it, or maybe didn't, and how guilty she felt either way. It was all such a knotted mess and Regina didn't have the time or ability at the moment to untangle it all. So she avoided Emma, threw herself into work, and focused on the fact that she now had a pet snake.

Her evil side luckily had come with a cage, and so Regina kept her on her desk as she worked and after a few days of very loud hissing and banging around said cage, presumably in an attempt to be freed, the Evil Queen had finally settled down. It wasn't any less unnerving having a snake on your desk, staring you down as you worked. Emma had offered to...dispose, of the snake, but something in Regina just couldn't do it. It was one thing when her other half was walking and talking and causing mayhem, threatening her family and friends as she strutted about. However the idea of killing a defenseless caged animal...she couldn't abide by it. In fact, being a caged snake seemed a rather fitting punishment for the queen. She was alive and contained anyway. Regina just wished she didn't have to be the one to take care of it, though technically it was her responsibility since she was a part of her. She could have enchanted the cage to feed her indefinitely and thrown the damn thing in her vault, but even that seemed a bit cruel really. There was something about the whole thing that didn't sit right with Regina, despite knowing how dangerous the woman was and how badly she had once wanted to be rid of her.

As her thoughts strayed she didn't notice how quiet the snake had gotten. She could be sleeping, but as Regina peeked in she realized the poor thing was awake and probably just bored. After all, staring at Regina answering emails probably wasn't the height of excitement. Not that she deserved anything really it was just that, Regina knew what being a caged animal felt like. Maybe not so literally, but she couldn't seem to turn off the guilt that sat heavy in her gut now that half of her wasn't a threat anymore.

“I realize my life isn't exactly grandiose or exciting but there's no need to sulk,” Regina found herself saying aloud. In response the snake lifted her head slightly, and blinked beady little eyes. “Okay fine, it's the opposite of grandiose and exciting right now, but I like it that way. It'd be nice if it could stay that way for more than a week to be honest.”

The snake tilted its head slightly, as if to provoke Regina to continue. It was better than sitting in silence all day at any rate.

“I'm sure you think it's stupid I'm talking to a damn snake but I assume you can understand me.” The snake nodded its head yes, and Regina sighed. Great, she truly was trapped as a snake but completely aware of it. That almost made everything worse. Bad enough she fed her counterpart mice, and she seemed to strangely enjoy it, but even worse that she was more than aware of everything going on. Why did everything have to be so complicated in this damn town?

Regina glared at the cage as the snake started hissing again. “Oh knock it off, making noise in there isn't going to do anything. I don't care that you're still you. You deserved this!”

The snake reared up to full height, hissing loudly and baring her fangs.

“Yeah, yeah. Well it's true. Now you have to suffer the consequences. I did too, once. We both should know that by now. Every choice we've ever made had a consequence. All magic comes with a price. However you want to phrase it. Deal with it dear.”

The snake coiled back up again, quiet and dejected.

“You're so obnoxious. Pouting won't do anything either. Ugh, I can't focus with you around.” Regina put her head in hands, tired and infuriated and lost. The snake hissed quietly at her. “No, letting you go isn't an option either. Shut up.”

Regina's cell began to ring and she groaned loudly before grabbing it off her desk and hitting the green answer button before even registering who it was. There were only a handful of people who called her anyway, and for a moment in her frustration she forgot she was ignoring Emma.

“Yes?” Regina huffed.

“Oh uh, hey. I didn't actually think you'd pick up. Is this a bad time?” Emma asked and Regina tried not to sigh loudly when she realized her mistake.

“It's...fine. Miss Swan.”

“Miss Swan?”

“Emma...look. I'm...sorry, I'm just a bit frazzled. And this damn snake is getting on my nerves,” Regina admitted, resisting the urge to stick out her tongue at the queen, who was now perked up and listening intently to the phone call.

“Yeah about that, I know you decided no um, well, getting rid of her. But you don't have to deal with her alone, you know? If it's annoying I can take care of her for a while. Let me look after her for a week, give you a break,” Emma replied, and from her gentle tone Regina knew she was being serious. She'd gladly be on snake duty. Something in Regina's gut grew warm at the thought.

“I...I don't want to impose. She's more like an annoyance really, but it's nothing I can't handle.”

“I get it. But even a good house pet gets tiresome, right?”

“Are you speaking from experience?” Regina sassed, unable to resist a little banter.

“Hey! That's-”

“Oh god sorry Emma that's...it's not what I meant it was-”

“-a joke. It's fine Regina, calm down. I know by now when you're just messing with me,” Emma laughed through the phone and Regina loosened up. She could hear her smile down the line and knew her slip up hadn't actually carried any sting.

“I wasn't joking when I said I was frazzled,” Regina admitted softly.

“Have you been sleeping?”

“Would you if your evil half was a viper in a cage on the floor next to your bed?”

“You keep her in your bedroom?!” Emma shrieked, loud enough for Regina to pull the phone back from her ear. The queen hissed in her cage, and Regina could swear it was a laugh.

“I don't want her near Henry and if she-”

“No, I get it, that's just...no wonder you're frazzled. Seriously Regina, let me handle her for a bit and give you a break. I'll come pick her up at lunch. I'll bring by your favorite.”

And before Regina could argue the line went dead, and she threw her phone back onto the desk. The snake was simply staring at her, and had probably heard the whole conversation.

“Don't look at me like that. I need a break from you, you're driving me crazy.” Regina woke up her computer and went back to the last email she was working on. “The fact that I'm still talking to you proves it. When Emma comes at lunch you'll go with her and then maybe I'll get some work done. And figure out what to do with you.”

The snake stayed quiet, and coiled back up again on the floor of her cage. Regina smiled at her computer, satisfied that she had somehow rattled the queen for once and not the other way around. And while she definitely wasn't sure how a whole lunch hour with Emma would go, she couldn't help the excitement she felt at seeing her again after their adventure. Avoiding Emma Swan for too long tended to make her irritable, which was hilarious considering her very presence used to drive her insane. They truly had come a very long way since her arrival in Storybrooke. Though what happened next still frightened Regina too much to think about. At least for now they could focus on shared custody of another addition to the family. An Evil Queen turned snake. It wasn't the most bizarre thing to happen to them recently. Regina really hoped Emma could handle watching mice getting devoured. She smiled when she realized the reaction Emma would have to that particular instruction. This would be a very interesting lunch hour indeed.

**Author's Note:**

> I know, it's short, but it's just a lead-in. I promise you'll get more very soon, and in the meantime let me know what you think! :D


End file.
